Mar 2, 2012

Planning for the future.....

We've come to that time in Killian's homeschooling where we have to make decisions about his future. What does he see himself doing after high school? What path do we want to take...college bound or general diploma? And what are the realities based off how hard he's willing to work for those dreams.

Three years ago I made the decision to bring him home because he was failing, we were fighting all the time and our relationship was falling apart because of it. We had also tried at least 5 different A.D.D. medications in a 4 month period which had side effects that were scary to watch. Killian was changing and he had given up on school despite the ways we punished or encouraged him. I know today that we made the best decision because our relationship did improve and I was able to work with him at a slower pace.

However I can also admit that I've had to change a lot in the process too. I had to fight my own demons of procrastination and laziness. Honestly I was the loser in this battle because I gave in too often. It was a aha moment this year that turned the tide and made me transition into full time homeschooling mom. Well full time mom whose heart is set on Jesus, Scott and the kids. Typically one of these 3 suffered at the hands of the other. Now Im finding my groove and the naturalness which flows out of finding your calling within the home.

If I were completely truthful I would admit that all the decisions had already been made at the beginning of this year. I had decided that we would work our butts off and Killian would complete all those college bound graduation requirements. He would make it all the way through the highest maths. He would learn to write if it killed him and he would be college bound or at least have the option right out of high school. Alot of that came out of my fear of failure that didnt match the words I was saying. I was saying it was all about him loving learning, but then making these plans that matched what the world was saying had to be. There was also this fear that I would fail him. Set my heights too low for him or maybe for myself.

But no more. Truth is Killian is super bright, but he hates writing (no matter what I do), he struggles in math (always moving one step forward and 2 steps back) and reading causes him to fall asleep. Kinda like his dad which just happens to be one of the hardest working men there is. Who might never have a book in hand but can construct a building from the ground up. Someone I would be proud of Killian becoming. I want to make decisions about his future based off his strengths and not the worlds standards. I want him to become the best he can be and not a clone of everyone else.

Which path fits Killian? Well Im not really sure, but we have to have some serious conversations. He has to start thinking past the here and now into his future and I have to start leading him by God's standards not the worlds. And this time not riding the fence between the two.